tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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