Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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