pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
