the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize