I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well I just put wine in my tea
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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