The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
