I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
