Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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