I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
