I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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