jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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