You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
