I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
