Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
