I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
