I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
