Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
