um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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