How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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