Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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