Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
