My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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