Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
