hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
