I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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