I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
