I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize