Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
