Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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