It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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