Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
