So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
