Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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