first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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