i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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