Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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