i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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