we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
