can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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