dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
