I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
