if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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