i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
