She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
