You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i think i have two assholes
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize