dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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