I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
