At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize