some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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