If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Too much gin, very little bucket
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
