everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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