My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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