Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
