I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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