We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
