guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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