I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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