drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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