i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Randomize
