TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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