don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
