the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize