I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
