Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize