Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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