Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
