Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
