I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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