somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
