I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
