I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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