What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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