Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
