my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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