just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
