You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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