I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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