I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
soo... how was my night?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
