My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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