U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
