Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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