so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize