I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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