Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
