Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
