What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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