I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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