You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
