Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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