When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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