don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
