totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
