He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
