i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
