Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
