everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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