I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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