And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
