Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
