Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
