Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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