btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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