i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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