Pappa wants mamma naked
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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