I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
