This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
