yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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