SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
