Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
