Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
