How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
