did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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