i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
