the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
