I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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