one two three fourrrrnication!
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
